Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
