I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
