I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
