Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
