I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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