so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
