so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
