i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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