11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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