you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
