You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
