I think I died a long time ago.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
