That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
In America we eat man semen.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
