My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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