This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
