Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
