and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
