We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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