dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
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We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
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That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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