bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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