he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
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I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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