I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
