I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
