sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
