The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
