I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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