You're completely useless in the revolution.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize