You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
