so explain again why im purple
no
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
