My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
