guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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