An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
