your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
