i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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