Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
