I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
