Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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