well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
