After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
