Tell her she can't have a vagina
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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