her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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