I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
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She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
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I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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