why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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