i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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