How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
