Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
