Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
