So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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