Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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