Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
