did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
