there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
