it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
