He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
