You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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