Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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