those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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