I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
