i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
