"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
honey bunches of taint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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