You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
