Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
