Will you blow on my dice?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
