I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
