You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
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I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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