My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
