is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
