i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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