forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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