I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
