i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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