he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
